


Kill Me Once,Kill Me Twice...

by ismellitblue



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fem Loki, Female Loki, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Loki, Horror, Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki's crazy, Other, Reincarnation, Sort Of, Violence, Whump, girl loki, girl!Loki, loki reincarnated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 05:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14888399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ismellitblue/pseuds/ismellitblue
Summary: Loki is not one to die easily, you'd think people would understand that.





	Kill Me Once,Kill Me Twice...

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of the characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.Enjoy!!

The mad titan has him by the neck, and while his physical body struggles,Loki’s inner self is laughing.Cackling wildly as he observes the whole thing.Of all his deaths this one has to be the best.

There’s nothing quite like looking the so called mad titan in the eye and seeing a spark of sanity there.To others that might have been a disappointment, but for Loki it’s the best news _ever._ Thanos isn’t as mad as the stories have made him out to be, that means Loki can out crazy him.

He waits until just the right moment, letting all the breath leave him,feeling muscle and bone give beneath the meaty paw before he takes a leap.His consciousness leaves his body at the exact moment that his neck is snapped and he doesn’t linger.He propels himself to the stone,using the last bit of life his body has left to open a sliver of a portal to push his soul through.

…And then, _he falls._

***

He slips through the cracks of reality, skirting around the spirits of the dead,ignoring the gentle caress that’s beckoning his spirit, begging him to stay... _to rest_.To keep from surrendering to the pull he lets his mind wander.Letting it turn itself inside out.

The life he led rips at his consciousness, memories flowing backwards and forwards, mixing and moving around, until his Mother’s face is replaced with the head of the Kursed.With Thor sitting beside her, feeding a raven his eye, while sharing a joke with the warriors three and Sif.Thunder following in the wake of his laugh, blood from his empty eye socket splattering on everyone.

Sometimes the Kursed-headed-Frigga laughed, her voice elegant as always, completely at odds with the fact that she’d just pulled out her spine and had somehow bent it into a circle.Warping the extra length of bone up and placing the spine on a napping Odin’s head-what better crown for a king than the bones of his wife’s back.

They all look so perfect and the ice that Laufey encases them in just makes the whole thing complete(preserving them in their finest state).When his biological father’s stare gets to be too much to bare, Hela comes up from behind him, a knife going through his throat and startling a laugh out of Loki.

His thoughts continue on like that as he descends, switching from scene to scene and leaving his mental self gasping for breath between laughs.There are times when he’s a giant snake swallowing the blasted earth whole and sometimes he’s even giving birth to a horse.Watching it stand on eight glorious legs, and riding on it, as he feeds his enemies to a wolf the size of ten men.

***

 In his spirit form, Loki can’t see, but his magic is  a sense on its own so he doesn’t really mind.His _seidr_ feels Midgard before the planet begins pulling him to it.He debates resisting the call, taking a different path, heading to Midgard is _ill-advised._ But Loki can almost taste the bloodshed to come,so he  virtually throws himself at the mudball.Cutting a hole right through its weak magical barrier.

From there everything is a mess.The gossamer threads holding his tattered consciousness together are being pulled apart by the planet’s very core.

Earth, wind and fire.

One punishment after the other as, the ancient forces of the planet knowing instinctively that he doesn’t belong.He fights as best he can, but in the end it’s all too much and in a bid to save himself Loki resorts to one last bit of trickery.

His preferred body is that of an aesir,but Midgard does not have gold as a building block.She only recognizes the elements she gave birth to(there was a reason that midgardians called her mother nature afterall).So Loki does something he’s only ever done in the most dire of circumstances.

He lets his inner Jottun out.The change is immediate, the planet feels his coldness and is fooled into thinking Loki is one of her children.She cradles him gently, easing his descent.Loki focuses on the relief of not having to do everything himself(if he happens to like the cool crisp aura his soul is emitting, instead of the forced dull gold he’d been before-it’s no one’s business,and those who ask deserve a poisoned dagger).

***

When Midgard lets go with one final gentle shove to make sure he doesn’t stop,Loki lands somewhere cold and dark.He’s tired,very much so, but he recognizes that he’s buried somewhere,that’s why midgard was so accommodating.She’d thought he was looking for a place of eternal rest(which is the last thing Loki wants at the moment).He forces what’s let of his spirit to move, holding himself together by will alone, fighting to keep the mismatched pieces of himself together.

Despite the pain and the darkness dancing at the edges of his soul he pushes forward and while he’s dragging himself along, his magic senses something close by.He pulls himself towards it and  reaches out with barely there tendrils.

…It’s a body.

A girl child.She couldn’t have been more than seven years old at the time of her death.His soul hovers over the remains and Loki gets glimpses…

_“No please, let me go”Large hands on her thin frame, dark brown eyes looking at her in a way that made something in curl up and turn to stone._

_“Where’s my mom,..Mom!Mom!Mother-”A hand over her mouth as another unbuckled the man’s pants._

_Biting down on the hand with enough force to reach the bone.A swift back had that sent her flying, hitting her head…then nothing._

There are still bits of flesh attached to the decayed corpse,it’s not much, but it’s enough for Loki to begin rebuilding.It is taxing, but the body is small, and it takes less power than it should have ,but it’s still tiring. He reconnects her joints where the man had torn her apart,probably to make fitting her into the  long gone wooden crate he’d buried her in easier.Regrows her flesh and lets muscle and bone reacquaint with one another.When her outer parts are done, Loki lets himself be absorbed into the body(the rest, heart, lungs stomach will come once he’s on the surface).

With his new empty case he claws his way up.Ignoring the smell of blood as his fingers did into the hard ground until the body is finally hit by a gust of cold wind.He crawls out and by the time he’s fully out of the hole, he has new eyes to look up at the sky with.

He lies there for a while, growing out his internal organs.Well into the night he watches as the sky changes.Green light dancing across it and he raises a weakend hand, pretending that he’s casting a spell.He’s not all that shocked to see blue skin marked with lines,but he does claw at it, curious to see the blood there.

It’s red…but not the same red as those of midgardians and asgardians,this shade of red glows with the same otherworldly glow that Jotunn eyes have.Loki laughs and laughs ,as the skin knits itself back together.His new voice sounding sweet and childlike, hiding all the steel and malice behind the action.

He spends the night dancing beneath the green lights, blue skin displayed proudly as draws sigils in the snow with his bare feet.

***

When morning comes, the lights are gone and he hasn’t slept.He starts walking, heading for some trees in the distance.He comes across a bird, dying in the snow, …a magpie.

It’s the first living being Loki has come across in his new form, and he looks at it, a few tears falling and freezing on his cheek(he’d wanted to hold onto his old self a bit longer,by now that is over).

“Hello, I’m Loki, I’m a girl now- _mostly_ ”

“I was Loki before too, I’m always Loki, but the old me was a man- _mostly_ too”The bird squawks weakly and the newly introduced female Loki finds herself smiling.It’s a simple thing to get the bird warmed up, and when it’s airborne, it follows Loki,watching her with intelligent beady eyes.

***

When they reach the a human settlement Loki lets her feet carry her.Her body moves on instinct to a neat little house not all that different from its neighbours.Its nighttime again and no one sees the naked little girl wandering the streets.She knocks on the door and waits.

There’s muffled cursing from the other side before the door opens.An old man stands there, his back bent and his left hand(with the top of the middle finger missing) grips a walking stick.He looks at her and takes in her blue skin  ,looking wary.

Loki calls her magic to her and lets it unfurl, bringing forth her aesir/human form, a big smile on her face as she looks up at the man.Almost everything about him has changed, but the dark brown eyes from before are the same and seeing them widen in recognition and fear is very pleasing.

***

Breaking old skin is very different from younger skin.It’s tougher, less flexible,that just makes it harder on the man and very _very_ enjoyable for Loki.Her silencing spell holds thorough the night as she works.Her magpie,Ikol, crooning soft background music, as she carves out pounds of flesh from the old man.Even old he still reeks of darkness,  and as she works she sees things through him, of other little boys and girls, buried in nooks and crannies, some reduced to ashes and scattered across the land.

Loki collects his blood and incorporates it into her spellwork. When the first rays of sunlight hit the runes, they glow a brilliant green and Loki feels her depleted power replenish.Boosted by the gratitude of the innocents she avenged by killing the man.

When she leaves she waves a hand in the air and steps through a portal, waiting for Ikol to follow ,before closing it.

***

The battle begins while Loki is clothes shopping,  there’s just no way she’s fighting naked(she could magic them out of thin air, but even with her power boost, she’s not willing to push her luck).She makes herself invisible and walks into a store, intent on getting formal little girl clothes-perhaps a pinafore?Her resolve last until she sees a black shirt with a purple ,green eyed kitten on the front.

Kitten roar it reads,with the kitten letting out what is obviously a very timid meow-Loki’s fingers are on the shirt,ripping it from the hands of another little girl,who looks around in fear before bursting into tears.

Ha!

Her new outfit is completed by a green rucksack that looks like a caterpillar, a skirt and some soft yet clingy material-the label on it reads ‘leggings’-but all Loki can focus on is how comfortable the _leggings_ are.A dark green pair of boots(they sparkle when the sun hits them just right) and Loki’s on her way to fight a war-looking very well put together-thank you very much.

***

She watches the battle for a while, Ikol perched on her shoulder, his claws digging into her shoulder each time an Outrider roars.

Loki watches the space dogs attack and very carefully does not react each time they draw close to their hiding place.She also doesn’t feel a phantom pain on her left arm and leg, from where an Outrider had ripped into her, dangling her around as the Chitauri cheered, the Other’s smug amusement poisoning her mind.

That was all in her old body.The new body has never experienced such things, so she has nothing to fear.They’re just ugly mutts with too many limbs.

***

Let it never be said that Loki doesn’t know how to make an entrance.

She waits,watching the battle progress, watching the earthlings fall, giving  more of a fight than Loki had ever thought them capable of.She debates on whether or not she should intervene when Midgard’s warrior seem to be losing, but then along comes Thor.

Loki expects the usual bravado, the showing off, the laughter as Thor usually fights.But all f that is gone, the Thor on the battlefield is all business, his one eyed determined as he wields his new hammer.Downing the forces, but there are still more coming.

The air whispers with something _other_ when Thor locks eyes with Thanos and Loki knows its time.

With a nod from her ,Ikol takes flight and begins to sing, circling the skies of Wakanda.One of the dogs leaps into the air, intending to kill him and Ikol shifts sideways.A wing extends in one fluid motion, sending out and arc of fire that turns the Outrider and those close to ash.

The battle halts all eyes on the graceful bird and Loki conjures a bunny.Clutching it to her chest she moves into view,her face morphing  into a confused frown as she takes in the scene.The stillness of the battle is broken by an Outrider launching itself at her.

The bunny dissolves with a thought,replaced a dagger.With a single jump, she passes beneath the Outrider’s throat,running her dagger along it as she falls.It’s a lot like parting water with her finger, and when she lands she moves out of the way of the twitching corpse.Laughing breathlessly when she sees more of the beasts charging towards her.

Her magic dances at her finger tips, the sparks glinting off her teeth-she has a particular spell in mind-one that’s guaranteed to set off fireworks.She doesn’t get the chance to tear them to shreds,there’s a loud whistles and  they all halt and in the next instant Loki is hurtling across the battlefield .

When she lands, she’s at Thanos’ feet and he’s looking at her in shock.Loki looks right back at him, noting the way the remains of Thanos’  sanity are fading away.

“You seem to have trouble staying dead little one,why is that?”There is no way Thanos doesn’t know who Loki is, but there is something almost soft-fatherly-in his gaze.

“When all this is done,I’m taking you with me,under my tutelage, you’ll be invincible-”

His little speech is broken by Ikol’s shriek and a wave of fire makes it possible to break away from his grasp.Thor’s hammer twirls past and imbeds itself in Thanos.

When the titan starts talking, completely unbothered by the wound Loki knows what’s coming.It takes madness to know madness and since Loki is crazier,she knows what’s coming-can almost taste it.

His thumb twitches and Loki giggles, the sound is enough to make the world slayer pause.That moment is all Loki needs.She touches the strap of her bag and the casket of ancient winters materializes she aims it as Thanos and while he’s petrified, she opens the bag.The vibranium spear she’d picked up while watching the fight glows and nicks her finger on it watching the blood catch in the markings.She throws it to the ground and it sends a shockwave through the ground.

As she’d expected, the mind stone fell off(she’d noticed that the stones took a while to settle on whatever new material was housing them),the ice caught it and brought to her.With a sly wink, and a smirk that was more cheeky than anything, Loki turned to the earth’s defenders and with a wave of her hand …all of them vanished.

***

 

They come to a place in between worlds.It won’t keep Thanos away for long but it will help them regroup.Despite the show she put on, Loki can feel her strength waning , and soon after making sure the passage is hidden again, she collapses.

When Loki no longer feels like she’s about to tear at the seams and her body stops shuddering with each breath, she makes to sit up.

But her progess is halted by the hand holding  her down.She opens her eyes and meets Thor’s one eyes…he is crying.

Weeping freely and when he finally speaks, it’s in small voice(Loki has never heard him sound like that).

“ _Loki,_ you came back,it’s you isn’t it”

“Brother?”

Something that feels a lot like emotion wells up in her and Loki resolves to kill it immediately.

“Of course not you oaf”

“How can I be your brother when I’m girl?”

The hug that follows, is eons more gentle than the hugs he’s used to receiving from his brother(which had always felt more like being squeezed to death).

A very loud throat clearing saves Loki from the predicament and she stabs Thor’s arm just a little to make sure he doesn’t get all _huggy_ again.

“Rock of Ages, I love your voodoo as much as the next guy”

“But could you please turn back into your real adult self”

“I have a few words I want to use, and saying them to someone who looks like they need to be learning their ABCs, really isn’t high on my list”Good old reliable Stark.

“I’d love to do that, but seeing how my original body’s  been destroyed, you’ll have to deal with this one”

“Wait, so that’s not an illusion,Reindeer games, are you wearing a little girl right now?”

“Is she alive in there screaming to be let out”The situation escalates, the others standing around looking uneasy-all of them staring at Loki suspiciously(like he’d actually do that,okay, he would, but he hadn’t he’d found the body fair and square).

“There is only Loki in that body no one else”Astrange looking woman says and all of them relax,(Loki feels like setting her on fire, or maybe having Ikol poop on her hair-stealing a little girl’s body would have upped his danger level to the heroes).

 

***

“How I survived doesn’t matter, what matters is that I like living and so long as we have this,”She holds up the stone.

“There’s a big chance I can keep living”

“With all those ‘I’s,  I guess you never learnt how to spell team”

“That may very well be true, but let’s face it without me and Ikol”The bird gives them a look.

“None of you would be here,now, I have a plan on how to take out Thanos, I’ve been working on it since he killed the old me”

Taking off her bag, she pulled out a small book and threw it at the center of the group.Illusions were cast over it as a very detailed plan came to life.

“This is very risky”The Panther says, but he doesn’t object.

“Bro-Sister, are you certain this is the only way?”The hesitation in Thor’s voice is not unwarranted.Loki himself has been feeling a bit…off balance…since the idea came to him, but it’s the best bet they’ve got.

If  Thanos loves death so much , there’s only one being that can take him on and stand a chance of winning.

Who better than the Goddess of Death, to bring death to the mad Titan.

“On a scale of one to ten, how mad do you think she’ll be when she sees us”

“Mad enough, but I’m hoping she’s mellowed out somewhat”That is not likely(Hela had kept a grudge for thousands of years), the most Loki can hope for is that she’ll be too focused on killing Thanos (he is stealing her job afterall),to go after them.Once Thanos is defeated, they’ll find something to placate her.

Or maybe Thor is right, maybe fighting a fire giant in an abandoned kingdom has made Hela change her ways and she now wants to grow flowers for a living.

It’s not likely, but it does give Loki the courage to open the portal to old Asgard.

Here goes nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't sleep so i just started writing this.Kudo and comment to tell me what you think.Thanks for reading.


End file.
